Audio By Carbonatix
Is the media beating this whole Jersey Shore thing to death? Definitely. Are we here at Westword going to join in on beatin’ up the beat? Damn right.
Being the thoughtful and responsible journalists that we are, we decided to use the “Jersey Shore Nickname Generator” to create Guido and Guidette nicknames for the main 2010 political candidates (along with a few specially tailored suggestions).
We strongly suggest everybody refer to the candidates by the following names for the duration of the campaign season. We’re pretty sure it will improve proceedings immeasurably, bro.
Governor John Hickenlooper: J-Muscle Scott McInnis: The Prince of Paramus Bill Ritter: He’s like Angelina. Didn’t stick around long enough to earn a nickname.
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Senate Michael Bennet: The Body Jane Norton: The Tight End Andrew Romanoff and Ken Buck: They’re both Princesses of Poughkeepsie, because they’re as hopeless as Snooki. Somebody should just knock ’em out before they cause any more trouble.
Treasurer Cary Kennedy: C-Pow Ali Hassan: GTL (Gym, tanning, laundry: That’s how you make Mr. Hassan.)
Attorney General John Suthers: Juice Springsteen
Secretary of State Bernie Buescher: The Sausage Party Scott Gessler: S-Gel
House of Representatives Jared Polis: Bones John Salazar: The Operation (Everybody loves The Operation, and if you don’t love The Operation, he’s gonna make you love The Operation.) Scott Tipton: Natural Light Betsy Markey: The Paris Hilton of Trenton Cory Gardner: The Deltoid Ed Perlmutter: The Blowout Mike Coffman: DJ Douchebag
