How Do I Find a Medical Marijuana Caregiver?

Dear Stoner: I recently obtained a medical marijuana card but haven’t been impressed with what dispensaries offer out here. A little research suggested caregivers may grow better herb, but how do I go about finding one of those? Is there a list somewhere?
Snooty Boochies

Dear Snooty Boochies: It takes a little research to learn about Colorado’s caregiver process, but it takes a mission to actually find one. The state doesn’t keep a shareable list of registered caregivers, largely for privacy reasons, and there is no official portal in which to connect with one. Most Colorado caregiver-patient relationships are forged through personal and word-of-mouth connections, but I have seen some promote their services on Reddit, and underground cannabis cups tend to attract the caregiver or homegrowing crowd.

Although not as active as they used to be, there are still nonprofits dedicated to medical marijuana patients who may help you find a caregiver. Organizations such as Colorado Cannabis Clinicians or Realm of Caring are definitely more focused on patients who truly suffer from debilitating conditions, though, so focus on your actual medical conditions and try not to mention that you’re also suffering from weed snob-itis.

Herbert Fuego is the alias of a longtime Westword staffer. Send him questions through marijuana@westword.com.