Towers of London

Towers of London would be the most original rock band to ever come out of England — if this was 1975. Sadly for Towers, it’s not. The London mates, with their ultra-party-coiffed manes, come off as third-generation wannabes so devoid of pure inspiration that even their influences look asinine. The Sex Pistols ought to be shot for the cheap guitar tricks they’ve spawned, while Mtley Crüe deserves a scalping for hyping ridiculously hairspray-locked ‘dos in metal. Towers, biting from both acts, sport pegged black jeans and Chucks in a total poseur-punk rebellion sort of way that is about as threatening as Gary Coleman on security detail. Blood Sweat & Towers is so clearly contrived of Clash and Stooges material that it’s downright laughable. And the lyrics don’t fare any better: “Parasites of society, now you’ll know just who we are!” yells vocalist Donny Tourette on the poorly titled “Kill the Pop Scene.” Parasitic annoyances? At least Towers got one thing right.