Alison Miller, the ex-girlfriend and former publicist for Republican Statehouse candidate Muhammad Ali Hasan, has asked to withdraw her request for a restraining order against the Eagle County politician and businessman, according to this story in the Vail Daily. Miller said the case was causing “too much stress to my…
Leave it to The Onion, those fuckers…
“I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat.” Representative Bob Gardner, a Republican, uttered Will Rogers’s classic quote on Thursday, as the Statehouse was hurrying through business before the three-day Easter holiday. But the line described the action a few blocks away even better,…
The current rumpus over whether the state prison system is letting too many criminal fiends out on parole is a pretty good example of what Governor Bill Ritter is up against in his effort to bring some economic common sense to our criminal justice system — namely, a bunch of…
Lori Koehler was the manager of a Hobby Lobby on 120th Avenue, but Broomfield police say the 37-year-old woman’s own hobby is lying. On February 20, the cops responded to a 911 hang-up at the store and found Koehler tied with one arm to some shelving. She said she had…
“Stand and Deliver,” Adam Cayton-Holland, March 6 Order in the Court! What a wonderfully concerned, caring, loving, strong, giving man who’s chosen to be a part of the solution! Run that through your PageMaker Platitude Checker, for me, will ya? Just once I’d like to see a story of the…
Keep your pants on! Because that’s what Mike Jones has done since Naked B4 God: Exposing the Hypocrisy of Ted Haggard opened at the Bug Theatre last Thursday night. The play, by Neal Davis, is based on Jones’s book, I Had to Say Something: The Art of Ted Haggard’s Fall,…
After recently donning a freshly laundered pair of pants, I plunged my hands into my pockets, as all men are wont to do when cloaking their morning thorax, only to discover several tablespoons of brown powder. I ransacked my memory but could not recall a recent instance of purchasing hash…
On March 11, the Rocky Mountain News published a story about two (very fast) moving violations racked up by Denver Nuggets forward Kenyon Martin and the less-than-draconian punishment that came his way afterward. Following separate 2006 incidents, Martin was ticketed for exceeding the triple-digit mark — once in a 30…
Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham! It was September 28, 2003, Andrew Pogany’s second day in Iraq, and he was steering a Land Rover through the night toward Samarra with another Special Forces soldier on…
Outlandish name-changing T-shirt mogul Sunshine Megatron recently moved to Denver, but since so far he hasn’t liked what he’s seen, he may soon be pulling up his stakes and heading off to parts unknown. Since this town needs as many crazy Cristal-swilling millionaires as it can get, Westword is hoping…
To determine which groups get what public parks during the Democratic National Convention in August, the city of Denver held its first ever “extraordinary event” park permitting lottery yesterday afternoon – a cheery little raffle that I will be referring to from this point forward as the Clusterfuck of Democracy…
Bitch is the New Black on FunnyOrDie.com Tina Fey started it. In her hosting role on the first Saturday Night Live back from the recent writers’ strike, Tina Fey appeared on the “Weekend Update” segment and capped her piece on “Women’s News” with a pro-Hillary rallying cry. And in recent…
Four men cruising through Colorado last week with a Dodge SUV full of fighting cocks probably didn’t know that they would be facing some of the nation’s toughest laws against cockfighting if they got caught…
When transcribing interviews, it’s often helpful to the reader to note when either the inquisitor or the person answering the questions laughs – but not in the case of this Q&A with John Oliver, a British-born correspondent for The Daily Show, who visits Denver for two nights worth of standup…
Both spots were serving the same purpose, separated by two dozen years and a million miles of desire. That old grocery store was dedicated to its community of farmers, drunks, rednecks and fishermen, just as Fisher Clark tends to the needs of the yuppies, old folks, new money and urban/suburban…
It’s not often in America that a rich, white military man and a rich, white wife of a former president hang on a black man’s every word. It’s not often that a presidential candidate can call the Constitution stained but endowed with infinite future promise, can call this country’s citizens…
The long-running battle over sealed documents stemming from the 1999 Columbine massacre spilled into a federal appeals court yesterday. But the dispute has become more fractious and complex than most reporting on the issue would have you believe — pitting victims’ families against each other, the killers’ parents and the…
“Curses are like young chickens, they always come home to roost.” That’s a line from an 1810 potem by Robert Southey, and the first cited reference of the roosting-chicken term, although the story dates back to Chaucer. On Tuesday morning, March 18, a little over an hour from the time…
In an unpublished portion of an interview conducted for the March 6 Message column about changes on the Denver radio dial, Don Howe, who oversees the CBS cluster of outlets that includes KOOL/105.1 FM, responded to a question about the annual KOOL Koncert. Traditionally, the show has featured retro acts…
We get soused and remember the glories of DuckTales…
