I would like to present the latest Institute of Drinking Studies breakthrough in applied physics: the Bathroom Theory of Relativity. You’re engrossed in a discussion — say, about what to name your friend’s impending child — and finally must sprint to the bathroom because you’ve held and held so that…
Different kind of neighborhood, different kind of neighborhood restaurant. While Cowbobas (see review, page 55) is all about feeding the locals what they want, so is Elway’s. And chef Tyler Wiard and his crew have put together a new menu that speaks right to the primal needs of Cherry Creekers:…
Crocs, Mayor John Hickenlooper, Elway’s steakhouse — could only come out of Colorado. Others, like 99-cent strip-mall sushi and Western states hockey, seem anachronistic in this state, yet flourish here regardless. But I’ve been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. And while I’m thinking hard, I…
Chefs and restaurant owners are competitive animals by nature and disposition. Not Iron Chef, cooking-contest competitive — not just lighted-stage, rule-book and panel-of-judges competitive — but seriously, almost compulsively, knock-down, drag-out Thunderdome bloodthirsty. In a successful restaurant, there’s no room for sentiment or surrender (except on the menu). And in…
It wasn’t the fastest closure on record (that would be Gavi, I think, which lasted less than a month in the space at 1110 Lincoln Street that’s now occupied by Andrew’s). But it sure seemed like it. Two weekends ago, the Lakewood location of Emogene Patisserie, the newest baby birthed…
When a drag queen starts talking about her inner bitch, you know it’s time for a cocktail. There are other good times for cocktails, of course, but it would be hard to top Tuesday night at Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret, when the hilariously funny “Demented Divas” take the stage at the…
According to the Guy Code, it is not socially acceptable for two guys to split a burger or any other food item when out in a group. This rule is well defined; the only people allowed to share are girls, couples and men who are inclined to split a “salad.”…
With a pizza from the Oven, certain bites will linger in the memory as among the best bites ever. Not every pizza, and not every bite. But once in a while, when the stars are aligned and the food gods are smiling, you take a bite from one of the…
I n a perfect world, everything would come wrapped in bacon. Wrapped in bacon or topped with bacon or with a side of bacon, because everything is better with bacon. What’s better than shrimp? Shrimp wrapped in bacon. What’s the only way to make vegetarian food palatable? Top it with…
For two weeks, my mind has turned inexorably toward the best part of the tastiest animal on God’s green earth — and now you can scratch one spot for getting a midnight bacon fix. When I reviewed Snooze, the “A.M. Eatery” at 2262 Larimer Street (“Pancake Apocalypse,” July 6), what…
With a name like Aphrotini, I was fearful this contender in the T-Zero Signature Drink Contest would contain some weird, curly ingredient. But I quickly learned that the cocktail — concocted by Trilogy bartender Blair Young — referred not to the Afro hairstyle, but to the word “aphrodisiac.” And then…
Sometimes you just need to get out — as I did after being cut off on Colorado Boulevard by one of those punk kids who thinks it’s cool to push his seat back so far that he can’t even see over the steering wheel. And not just get out, but…
It had been too long since I last dropped by Taqueria Patzcuaro. I go into north Denver a lot these days, chasing after some new Chinese-Brazilian fusion restaurant or an intriguing-sounding soup, then end up drinking sake at Swimclub32 or eating at Duo, forgetting why I came up in the…
At my last job, my boss had a butcher’s diagram of a broken-down pig tattooed on her ass. I worked on the line with another guy who had PORK inked across the knuckles of his right hand. And in my family, bacon is how we show our love for one…
I ‘ve eaten tandoori while driving and samosa in bed. I’ve made entire meals of naan and puri and yogurt. During a brief stint as an unwilling vegetarian (I did it for a girl, mostly because the only thing on earth better than pork is pussy, and I had to…
Here’s some stuff I hate: Celery. People who can’t drive and talk on their cell phones at the same time. I’ve got no problem with those who can do both skillfully — but seriously, if talking with your mom, your psychic friend or the phone-sex operator is impairing your ability…
A few weeks ago, as part of my warmup for the Denver Film Festival, I headed to Starz FilmCenter for a training session with a heavy independent film. But first I stopped by the concession stand, where I was delighted to find a bar. Actually, to call it a “bar”…
I’ve never been a huge fan of New Orleans, not even now that it’s the socially progressive thing to be. And while I’ve been intrigued by stories of Mardi Gras, including an account from an old girlfriend who swore that as she left her hotel lobby one Fat Tuesday, she…
There are restaurants that win me over quickly — love at first bite, or damn close to it. There are other restaurants I have to ease into slowly, coming around to their flavors or unique takes on cuisine by the end of the meal. And then there are places that…
I’ve eaten tandoori while driving and samosa in bed. I’ve made entire meals of naan and puri and yogurt. During a brief stint as an unwilling vegetarian (I did it for a girl, mostly because the only thing on earth better than pork is pussy, and I had to give…
The latest location for Tokyo Joe’s is a killer. It’s in the new Southlands Mall development, at the back of the so-called plaza that sits like a box canyon at the end of a natural retail bottleneck; buyers and window-shoppers, tourists and locals alike all funnel into this zone from…
Last week I had lunch at McDonald’s. It doesn’t matter which McDonald’s, because most of them are interchangeable. In fact, they’re the greatest example of assembly-line restaurants in the history of the industry. McDonald’s has gotten so good at self-replication over the past fifty-odd years that today the company is…
