The new SAT is the final step in the coddling of America’s children, which is ruining society. It started with allowing snowboarders at Vail and continued with the acceptance of ridiculous baggy pants — the ones with crotches hanging around the knees, making kids look like clown-school rejects or young…
After my friends and I grabbed two open spots at Bowlero Lanes one Saturday night and strapped on our snazzy rental shoes, we placed a friendly little wager: The losing team must buy the next round. And even with a 49-point spread to make up for my ball-handling deficiencies, my…
Now that Halloween is over, I’m sure you’re counting the days left during which every Target, Barnes & Noble and Best Buy will be filled with a miserable quagmire of people who are apparently unaware that other humans populate the Earth — running you down with their shopping carts, blasting…
I didn’t get out last weekend, and I doubt that you did, either, because we are apparently under biological attack. I don’t know for sure where this bug came from, but it’s probably hell. The bug ravages your body until you’re so sensitive that even your hair hurts and you…
I love snakes. Not big boa constrictors or mammoth pythons, but cute little green tree snakes about as long as a ruler. I’ve owned two, both of which met untimely deaths — but those are stories for another day. I’d never thought of mixing my fondness for reptiles with my…
After spending an afternoon downing Old Fashions with the ladies who lunch at the Washington Park Grille, I was just like Rhett Butler: I didn’t give a damn about anything else I had to do that day. Rumored to have been created for a retired Confederate general who didn’t care…
In our continuing effort to improve the human race, we here at the Institute for Drinking Studies are eager to answer those questions that all of us have after seven straight hours of drinking. In the aftermath of a very liquid weekend at Govnr’s Park Restaurant (672 Logan Street), Dr…
Harking back to my Irish roots (in case you’re interested, Dunn means “brown” in Gaelic) on a blustery fall evening, I headed to Fadó Irish Pub for a stiff drink and comfort food. After settling into a secluded booth not far from the blazing fireplace, I ordered a Screw the…
When purchasing a home, you must consider many points. The location needs to be somewhere you’ll feel safe — and must also have good resale value. When the time comes to sell, it’s difficult to cut a deal if your potential buyers are abducted from the back yard or clipped…
In swank locales around the world, it’s common to see distinguished-looking older gentlemen escorting young, buxom blondes. And high in the hills of Aspen last weekend, I found myself a benefactor that took great care of me: the Aspen Sugar Daddy. A specialty at the affluent, Western-style Range, this sweet…
Sitting at the Bull & Bush (4700 Cherry Creek Drive South) with several friends and co-workers, I indulged in my favorite stress-relieving activity outside of directly setting fire to taxpayers’ money: pondering all of life’s difficult questions. My thoughts were even more profound than usual, owing to the fact that…
With seventeen wines by the glass and a fully stocked bar, Max Burgerworks is no greasy spoon. Heck, if all burger joints were this inviting, maybe I wouldn’t be a vegetarian. But you don’t need to like meat to love Max Burgerworks. The other afternoon, I devoured a divine portobello-mushroom…
As if feeling like I had been hit by a Mack truck wasn’t bad enough, I had to wait for coffee on Sunday morning. I am not a patient guy by nature, but few things aggravate me more than amateur coffee drinkers clogging up the line with elaborate orders. For…
Having moved more than a dozen times over the past ten years, I can say with authority that the best way to settle into a new neighborhood is to visit a local watering hole, a place within walking distance that offers up cheap drinks in a friendly atmosphere. So after…
Thanks to too many beers, I have once again made a major breakthrough in the field of human sociology. And it was the Purple Martini (1336 15th Street), of all places, that helped me identify the fundamental problem between men and women. Before I reveal the information that will put…
I like a bar where the person on the stool to my right peruses the Wall Street Journal while the person on my left is entranced by a best-selling mystery. For cocktails in such a literate setting, book yourself into the Fourth Story Restaurant, on the fourth floor (of course)…
As I bellied up to the bar at LoDo’s Bar and Grill (1946 Market Street), I turned to my buddy and said, “I couldn’t be happier right now.” There were a couple of reasons for this. First, I’d just attended my ten-year Air Force Academy reunion. It was good to…
My favorite fall activity is taking my dog on “leaf walks” in the mountains, spending cool afternoons collecting red and gold specimens for no reason other than that they’re pretty. Down in the flatlands, McCormick’s Fish House & Bar has come up with another way to celebrate Colorado’s gorgeous fall…
A woman can convince herself she’s in love in a matter of minutes. But only a guy who’s drunk can convince himself he’s in love in a matter of minutes — and pay for the privilege. This is exactly what happened on a recent night at Shotgun Willie’s (490 South…
Labor Day has passed, but since we live in the land of 300-plus days of sunshine, let’s pretend we’re on vacation a little bit longer, shall we? One of the best places in town to play hooky is the secluded back patio at Tosh’s Hacienda, a 55-year-old family-run restaurant in…
After a few beers, guys are capable of solving all the world’s problems, performing feats of superhuman strength and experiencing Zen-like enlightenment. Alcohol’s mind-freeing ability allows us to express feelings anywhere along the spectrum, from shouting “Play ‘Freebird!'” to “I love you, man!,” and to channel this energy for the…
For a taste of la vie boheme, stroll over to Brasserie Rouge. This new restaurant pours signature European aperitifs and liqueurs, including Pernod, Benedictine and grappa, but nothing says francais like champagne — and half of Brasserie Rouge’s fourteen specialty drinks overflow with the bubbly. As mixed by master cocktail…
