Forget the Fourth of July. New Year’s Eve is responsible for more explosive events than any other day of the year. On December 31, the best relationship can detonate under the must-have-the-most-meaningful-time-ever pressures; a simple drive to the mountains can burst in a collision with a junior-varsity drinker. Fortunately, you…
Sometimes just a small, evil influence can tip a night over to the Dark Side. And while the Dark Side may appear more powerful, a bar will not hesitate to throw Darth Vader — or anyone associated with him — out of the place at the drop of a hat…
‘Tis the season to drink hot toddies, fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I love the holiday season, and Larimer Square has always been one of my favorite places to get in the spirit. It’s at the epicenter of my winter memories: When I was a kid,…
For the record, I want to state that Vail Resorts’ big loss in its first quarter had nothing to do with my being there a few weeks ago. In fact, I’m pretty sure that had the Head of Drinking Regrets and I visited a few days earlier, Vail would have…
I became a fan of Williams Tavern the moment I saw the piece of paper hanging on a wall reading “Any tab left open will be closed and a 20% gratuity will be added.” That simple sign told me a number of things about the bar: 1. It’s had its…
Thank God there’s just over a week left until Christmas. The spirit has been beaten out of me by all the forced cheer on television and KOSI 101, in print ads and Internet pop-ups, at the Department of Commerce and even in my own holiday traditions. Don’t get me wrong:…
Tax audits, invasive surgery, DIA over the holidays. Sadly, although people try to avoid such horrors at all costs, it’s impossible. On my last trip to DIA, I stood in line for what seemed like a lifetime, only to have Mr. TSA ask me to take off my belt, shoes…
It’s that time of year when people walk around with a fearful look in their eyes, knowing they have only fifteen shopping days left until Christmas, will go to hell if they don’t get everyone the perfect gift and, worse, will never have sex again if they fail to find…
As I recall, the first place I used my fake ID was Marlowe’s. When you’re a teen, you’re either ignorant of the consequences of using a fake ID (jail, fines, etc.) or dim-witted enough that you don’t care about them. I was both. My faux ID was so bogus it…
Now, at 96 hours post-drunk, we have located the missing members of the Institute of Drinking Studies and pieced together most of what happened the other night. It started with the Head of Drinking Regrets and myself planning a simple evening of movies and sports on TV, with maybe a…
I love the irony of a place that’s called La Fiesta Supper Club only being open for weekday lunches — and from just 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. at that. My sources tell me that back in the day, La Fiesta was a real supper club (and before that, a…
Walking into Elway’s, I couldn’t help but recall one of my favorite expressions: “There’s only one ŒI’ in Œteam,’ but there are two in Œmartini.'” So I went right to the bar and ordered a Pomegranate Cosmo Martini ($8) made with Absolut Citron, POM Wonderful pomegranate juice and triple sec…
“You’ve got to try Fernet-Branca; it’s my new favorite drink,” said Ryan O’Brien, the knowledgeable, solicitous and darling bartender at Barolo Grill. “I’ve heard Sean Penn orders it by the case.” When my medical doctor prescribes drugs, I take them. So when my drink doctor gave his prescription, I drank…
We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies are always looking for new watering holes to grace with our presence, our stunted sense of “humor” and the inevitable sexual advances of certain members whom I would not trust alone in a room with Sister Inviolata of the Painfully Chaste. Since…
Joey Buttafuoco. I can’t get my car serviced without thinking about Joey Buttafuoco, so you can imagine that going to a bar with “Garage” in its name was not high on my to-do list. Happily, a less mechanically inclined drinking companion convinced me to try the new Bannock Street Garage,…
Things just aren’t the same anymore. I think it’s the fault of the Democrats. Or maybe the Republicans, the Catholic Church, the Air Force Academy, carbs, your parents, fraternities and football (but not any members of frats or football teams, much less the coaches, athletic-department heads, regents or university presidents…
I don’t know which brilliant person figured out that if you add a full bar to the upper deck at a sports facility and call it “the club level,” you can charge people more money for seats on that level than they would pay to sit right next to the…
Turning thirty is a mother. All of a sudden your body is falling apart before your eyes; if things continue to progress at this pace, you’ll be in a nursing home within five years. For women, gravity gets stronger, and things start to droop. Although science tells us that body…
Yeah, baby, yeah! Maybe it’s because I grew up in a house where there was always some groovy Burt Bacharach hit on the record player, but I love anything from the ’60s. So when I walked into Harry’s Bar at the Magnolia Hotel, I fell instantly in love. This place…
“C’mon, let’s go to Willie’s! It’s Stripper Tuesday!” “Uh, dude, it’s Wednesday.” “Whatever.” Even as the Head of Drinking Regrets and I were having this conversation, other members of the Institute of Drinking Studies were well into their research, having gotten a call earlier from the Head of Sleeper Drunks…
My first cocktail-waitress job was at the Bull & Bush, and even back in the day, I knew the Bull was a special place. A Cheers-like place, full of womanizers like Sam Malone, lovable losers like Norm, annoying know-it-alls like Cliff, and at least one wiseass young cocktail waitress like…
I recently went to the happiest place on Earth — and no, I don’t mean Disneyland, which calls itself “The Happiest Place on Earth” because it has bathrooms cleaner than yours will ever be and employees who are happier than you’ll ever be. True, I have extremely fond memories of…
